No Pain, No Gain

Well, I neither gained nor lost weight.  To me that is like tying the game.  I didn't win and I didn't lose.  I would rather have something to show for the past week, but it came back to my same issues with time, my love of food, and my life being a to do list.  How does taking care of myself not make it to the top of the list?  I don't think I have ever been this disgusted with myself.  The week started off with a food and exercise journal, but you know what threw me off?  Sleep.  I sleep terribly and when I sleep terribly, I eat terribly and my exercise goes out the window.  When did insomnia become my norm?  I cannot get comfortable anywhere, yet I am exhausted most of the time.  Why can't I sleep?  Why can't I eat right?  Why can't I exercise more?  Are these familiar questions?  Are my struggles the same as every other woman over 40?  I am not looking to be a super model.  I want to feel better about myself and be healthier.  So, I'll keep trying and I'll keep putting all of my knowledge to work.  It is my hope that with the start of school and a routine, that I'll be able to put "health" back in the routine.

The dietitian needs to diet

Ok, I haven't blogged in while since we stopped backpacking through Joshua and it shows.  I have decided that maybe if I blog about my struggles with weight, you all will understand that you are not alone.  I have a master's degree in Nutrition and I am a Registered Dietitian.  I need to lose 8 - 10 pounds.  Yikes!  How did it creep on?  I don't have an answer.  Once I hit 40, it became harder and harder to lose / maintain my weight.  I am a relatively active mom with 4 active kids.  So, I got to thinking about my difficulties and I came up with a list. 

What do I have trouble with?
1.  I love food.  I love to cook and I love to eat and drink.  I love good food.  I love good drink.
2.  I am busy.  Who doesn't know that?  I work part-time, take care of the house, drive the kids all over, try to volunteer, and stay active with my church.  How do I eke out more time to exercise?
3.  It takes more effort to get more results.  That is frustrating and I know exactly what is happening to my body as it ages.  Sometimes, I just want to give up and not worry about fitting into my jeans.
4.  I feel guilty taking time for myself.  Holler if you know what I mean!!!  I live a "To Do" list lifestyle and even though taking care of myself is on the list, it is on the bottom on the list and doesn't always get done.

So, it really doesn't matter what I weigh now or what anyone weighs now.  What matters is that I address my troubled list and lose some weight and feel healthier and better about myself.  So, as my kids go back to school, I am going to try and make time for me to eat right, exercise, and feel better about myself.  If I feel better and happier about myself, I'll be a better me, wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend.  Here goes....

Vantage Point

I just realized that Vantage Point makes all the difference.  What do I mean?  My view of a situation is affected by my vantage point.   Sometimes I feel as though I have the best seats in the house and I am on top of the world.  At other times, I feel as though I have been ripped off and paid good money for the "partially obscured view."  Do you know what I mean?  When I am in the middle of something, it does not always look so good to me.  However, once I am through it, not so bad.  I have seen this in the lives of others too.  They may complain or brag about something, but often times from my vantage point, it looks completely different.  It has made me realize that I need to really assess where I am and where I am going, what I have and what I want, and what difference it will all really make.  Today may seem cloudy from my vantage point, but others may be seeing the sun where they are at.

Change for a Change - Cure Huntington's Disease

FirstGiving - Team Hope Walk for Huntington's Disease

Our family is walking for Huntington's Disease (HD) on May 15.  My dad has HD and my sister has tested positive for the gene.
The Huntington's Disease Society of American explains HD this way....

Huntington's Disease: a devastating, hereditary, degenerative brain disorder for which there is, at present, no cure and only one FDA-approved treatment (Xenazine) for a symptom of HD.  HD slowly diminishes the affected individual's ability to walk, talk and reason. Eventually, the person with HD becomes totally dependent upon others for his or her care. Huntington's Disease profoundly affects the lives of entire families -- emotionally, socially and economically.

Named for Dr. George Huntington, who first described this hereditary disorder in 1872, HD is now recognized as one of the more common genetic disorders. More than a quarter of a million Americans have HD or are "at risk" of inheriting the disease from an affected parent. HD affects as many people as Hemophilia, Cystic Fibrosis or muscular dystrophy.

Early symptoms of Huntington's Disease may affect cognitive ability or mobility and include depression, mood swings, forgetfulness, clumsiness, involuntary twitching and lack of coordination. As the disease progresses, concentration and short-term memory diminish and involuntary movements of the head, trunk and limbs increase. Walking, speaking and swallowing abilities deteriorate. Eventually the person is unable to care for him or herself. Death follows from complications such as choking, infection or heart failure.

Are you there God, its me Michelle!

Do you remember that Judy Blume book?  I remember the title more than I remember what the book was about.  I may have to take that out of the library again.  However, reading Joshua has made me think about that title for some reason.  Is God listening to me too?  Are my prayers nearly as important as say a person in Japan who has just survived an earthquake and a tsunami?  I don't think so.  Does God think so?  Do you wonder if Joshua was curious if God was listening?  I wonder if Joshua had a problem that I have all the time, I don't wait or listen for the answer that God gives me.  Hey, I may even not like the answer at times so I ignore it.  I am an impatient and imperfect person.  There I said it.  Hi, I'm Michelle and I am impatient and imperfect.  Do I wait for Godly counsel?  NO!  I sometimes get slapped upside the head with a message, but I rarely wait for an answer.  Did God counsel me to go to Kenya?  Yes and that was a physical message.

How about going back to school?  I thought I had the message, but I must have missed something because the answer is not right now.  Is it forever a no?  I don't know, but I have to pray some more and wait for His answer.  I have to be quiet and listen for it.  Not always easy for me to be quiet!
Now, I come from a sport oriented family and it is always easy to be a "Monday Morning Quarterback."  Can I look at situations in my life and now see where God spoke to me and I ignored Him?  Yes.  I do get a little cocky and I think I know what would be best for me and don't feel as though I need to listen to Him.  I then charge ahead and get burned.

Am I inside or outside the walls?

As I read through Joshua 6 and think about the walls falling, I worry about the people inside and have trouble getting past that.  Yes, it is an impossible thing that a wall could fall after a group of people have marched around for 7 days, but what was going on inside the walled city of Jericho?  Do we have an account of their fear and terror?  I have a hard time seeing this story as all good.  I am disturbed by the destruction that ensues after the walls fall.  It is hard for me to get past that.  I see God's nature here as that of a mean, punishing God.  I know that God is omniscient and I do forget that, but did He have to kill every living thing inside those walls, except for Rahab and her family?  This is the part of Joshua that starts to get hairy for me.

I don't know that I have ever done anything ridiculous for God's glory.  I know that I am staying on in this study because I know God wants me to.  This would be the part that if I had to decide, I would bail out and it is not because of the wonderful people here hiking with me.  It is because I think this part of the hike is difficult for me to navigate.  I am saddened and scared when I read about how everything - kids, puppies, moms, dads, men, women, cows, goats, etc. are massacred.  I am not sure where the glory of God is in that.  So, I am staying on and will try not to get too out of breath as I continue this journey.

Can You Tell I'm a Christian?

Well, this is a little late in being delivered, but better late than never.

Can people tell I am a Christian by looking at me?  Can they see it in my eyes?  Do my actions exemplify it?  I don't know.  As I read Joshua 5, I am struck by circumcision/pain and it points out 2 things to me.  1 - sometimes you have to do painful things for God.  2 - God will mark you, but not everyone sees it.  Circumcision is now a controversial thing, but I didn't think twice about getting my son circumcised.  I did it because I had read that it helps prevents infections, but I also did it because I read about it in the bible.  I was there when he was circumcised and then I was there again when we had to take him to the pediatric nephrologist because of issues due to his circumcision.  I did not regret my decision to have him circumcised.  I cannot imagine grown men being circumcised.  That is truly a sacrifice for God and it shows me that they knew that God was worth it.  God used circumcision as a covenant and promise to his People.

Have I ever been asked to do anything to sacrifice for God?  I don't know.  I went to Kenya and when I returned I felt compelled to apply to local Physician Assistant programs.  I really felt as though God was telling me to do this.  Lots of interesting signs....  Well, I have been rejected by 2 out of the 3 schools I have applied to.  Is it physically painful?  No.  However, it is painful to my psyche.  I never thought I would be rejected because I am too old for this type of program.   Apparently, my prerequisites are too old for some of these programs.  Do I want to go to school to go back to school, not really?  However, I think that is what God is asking me to do.  Not painful by Joshua's standards, but somewhat painful by my standards.  However, I know God is holy and will only ask me to do things that I am capable of doing.

I don't think that I can recognize Christians by sight or smell.  I don't know that I am recognizable as a Christian either.  My ideas of recognizable Christians are not usually favorable.  I have had people say to me that they cannot believe I am a Christian because I don't judge everything they do.  Believe me, I don't want to be judged either.  I don't know that Christianity is about "blending in" but it is about being part of the world we live in.  I want people to notice my actions and reactions and wonder what is different about me.  I don't like the negative connotation that being a Christian has lately.  I want to be like Jesus and have dinner with the tax collectors and sinners.  Bring on the party!

Stepping Stones

Reading Joshua 4 really strikes me as a hiker's chapter.  It reminds of crossing a stream or a creek on stepping stones.  The Israelites were blessed to have God leading the way and stopping the flow of water in the Jordan.  It shows God's faithfulness once again in taking care of His chosen people.  As the Israelites cross the Jordan it proves to me that God is true to His word and His people are crossing into the Promised Land.  I love rocks and the rock memorial that is being set up to honor God.  Rocks are so forever to me.  It is like "Diamonds are forever."  Diamonds are just shiny rocks!  The imagery of the Jordan starting to flow once all the people have crossed seems to be a washing away of the old to me.  The Israelites have just crossed into their new life that God promised them.
It might be a new life for them, but it shows that God is always there, unchanging, and faithful.  Yes, God is eternal.  The concept of eternal is a scary and fascinating concept.  It reminds me of "Twilight".  Sorry, but it does.  I have 2 daughters who have asked me to watch the movies with them and I am struck by the sorrow that these vampires have of having eternal life on earth.  That is not where we want to be eternally.  Plus, how about the idea of "eternal youth."  That really doesn't seem to work out for anyone; you just need to look at all the bad plastic surgery to see that.  The idea of eternal life with God, now that is where I want to be.  As I explain to my kids, we die to this earthly life and get to live eternally with God if we believe and follow His Son, Jesus.  That is not an easy concept to get.  There are days when I get swept over by it, but learning more about God and His Son soothes me.  The concepts of eternal, eternity, and infinity are very difficult grasp.
God's miracles are not always easy to grasp either.  The memory of God's Goodness is something I remember best when I am praying.  I cannot pray without thinking of all the good God has done in my life and the lives around me.  Plus, looking at the miracles that are my children, it reinforces the fact that God is good!
I would have to say that my comfort level in sharing what God has done for me is increasing.  I used to feel weird if I would talk about God and miracles or answered prayers.  Now that I am meeting more and more people who have experienced similar things, it has become easier for me to share.  I actually find that my story about going to Kenya is a great way to introduce the concept of God to people.  They are fascinated hearing about traveling far away to help people who are so much worse off than anyone here in the US.  Just like going to a new place or experiencing something new can cause anxiety, but we push through it.  I am finding that I have to push through some of that anxiety to share the Goodness of God.  It is not always easy and takes some balance, just like crossing over these Stepping Stones.

Is God Working Upstream?

Joshua 3 holds a special place in my mind because it reminds me of a fabulous sermon by our Pastor.  He talked about it as God working upstream in our lives.  I remember the maps and everything from that Sunday.  I don't remember exactly what was going on at the time, but I do remember thinking, "I really needed to hear that."  Well, reading this again has hit me with, "I really needed to read that," all over again.  How can I believe that God is going to stop that water when I step in?  How could the Israelites be sure?  I know they had their proof in the Red Sea, but that was a long time ago for me.  I like science and I like proof.  Sure, God may be working upstream in my life, but where's the proof?  The proof is in the trust and waiting that I have to do - not one of my strengths to say the least!
If I was there, would I even be ready to cross the Jordan?  If I had to purify myself to cross, I would have to work on my anger.  I am easily angered when things don't go the way I want them to go.  The problem is that the anger becomes like maple syrup and it oozes all over and makes everything sticky.  It is hard to get rid of sometimes.  It probably would not be such a problem if I stopped and listened and let Him lead.
I found it easy to follow God to Kenya and I wasn't so bad about listening to Him when I first returned.  However, in the  months since I have come home it is like I am driving further and further away from a favorite radio station.  There is more and more static.  I don't stop and try to tune in better, I keep moving.  It is like when we were little and had those rabbit ear antennae on the TV.  My older sister and I were charged with the task of moving them all over the place so my dad could watch TV.  I just keep moving and it doesn't get any better.  I need to stop and tune back in.  I am sure I could follow better if I did that.  I feel as though I follow God in areas of service.  I have always felt compelled to help those "in need."  That is good for the most part, but I was the one defining "in need."  It is a nice area to follow God and I unexpectedly followed God in that area right to Kenya.  It was an amazing trip of service, discovery, and friendship and I look forward to going back in the future.  There were lots of obstacles that cropped up after I put my deposit down for the trip, but God made it possible for me to go without glitches.  I do have trouble letting Him lead in other areas of my life like finances, career, and relationships.  It is not usually until I have made some blunder that I stop and tune in to see what He has to say.  Therefore, I have a lot of work to do in that area.
As I read this passage in Joshua, one of the words that struck me in the word study was PURIFY.  I love words.  I read a lot of the Old Testament verses with purify and I was struck with the idea of Penance in the Catholic Church.  Penance is when one goes to the priest and confesses his/her sins.  The priest then gives prayers and sometimes service that needs to be done to make amends for the sins.  I am thinking that getting those sins out in the open, exposing them, does help people to purify themselves.  I looked purify up on dictionary.com and here is what I found....

pu·ri·fy

 [pyoor-uh-fahy]

verb, -fied, -fy·ing.

–verb (used with object)

1.

to make pure; free from anything that debases, pollutes,adulterates, or contaminates: to purify metals.

2.

to free from foreign, extraneous, or objectionable elements:to purify a language.

3.

to free from guilt or evil.

4.

to clear or purge (usually fol. by of  or from ).

5.

to make clean for ceremonial or ritual use.

–verb (used without object)

6.

to become pure.

I was struck by the terms "Free from" and the concept of cleaning.  It made me think of cleaning up before going out to dinner with someone.  It also made me realize that I would have to "clean up" certain areas of my life to better spend time with God and to follow His word.  I need to be patient, tune in, and let Him lead.  I know I would not have been the first to put my feet in the Jordan, but I would have crossed.  

Distracted by the Scenery

I cannot believe that it has been almost a week since the end of the last camp.  I have definitely been distracted.  I love this story in Joshua about Rahab.   I can relate to Rahab.  I too am a sinner and have experienced God's love and forgiveness.  Rahab hears about God's greatness and puts her faith in Him and deems Him worthy of her trust.  She trusts Him enough to let 2 strange guys into her house.  He truly is WORTHY.  God is worthy of my good behavior and example. Do I behave appropriately all the time?  No.  I feel like I fall flat quite a bit.  I feel as though my behavior is important in front of everyone and most especially my non-believing friends and family.  I want to show them God's love through my actions and show them why He is worthy of their belief.  My actions can be a piece of the puzzle of their Salvation.  I may be the beginning corner piece or part of the blue sky in the middle of the puzzle or the very last piece.  I just want to be a piece.

I know that God is worthy of my love, but I feel like as a sinner I am not worthy.  God's sent His Son to die for me.  WOW!  I love Matthew 5:16 "In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your Heavenly Father."  I liken this to the Golden Rule.  If I treat people the way I want to be treated, all will be good.  I am convinced that people should Walk Their Talk!  I like the idea of the Gospel According to Michelle.  If someone was writing down everything I did, I would probably pay better attention.

As Christians, it is up to us to be God's example.  It reminds me of the poem by Teresa of Avila I have hanging on my mirror.  I put it up there before going to Kenya.

     Christ has no body but yours,

     No hands, no feet on earth but yours,

     Yours are the eyes with which He looks compassion on this world,

     Yours are the feet with which He walks to do good,

     Yours are the hands with which He blesses all the world.

     Yours are the hands, yours are the feet, 

     Yours are the eyes, you are His body.

     Christ has no body now but yours,

     Yours are the eyes with which He looks compassion on this world.

     Christ has no body now on earth but yours.

We are saved by faith, but I believe we may save others with our works.

Cleaning Out Closets and Cobwebs

Well, it has been some time coming, but I finally cleaned out my closet today.  I have to thank my mom and Jen Thompson for the inspiration.  Why do I do my best thinking when I am cleaning things out?  I have these brilliant insights and then when I am finished.... they are gone - - - Poof!  I did realize that I just have too much stuff.  It felt good to put the items I have not worn in a year or more in the big, huge Hefty bag.  I hope someone enjoys them as much as I did.  I get a great sense of satisfaction seeing things all clean and tidy.  So, when you look in my windows, please notice that all of my blinds are clean.  Ignore the windows, it is still a little too cold to do those.

You Should Be Dancin', yeah! Dancin', yeah!!!

[You know the song, sing it!]
Got back a few hours ago from Kylae's 1st dance competition.  Wow is all I can say.  Not only can my daughter dance, but everyone who had a daughter there, she can dance too.  Oh, and the few guys who had the guts to compete- fabulous!  It was an amazing day.  I was so impressed.  It is truly an amazing parental experience when you can see your children's hard work pay off.  Her team got a 2nd place and I know they were disappointed, but it was a wonderful performance.  I just sent pictures to my family as all proud parents do.

This feeling got me to start thinking, does God feel this way when we do something good?  I bet He does!  I am going to go to bed with that happy thought and figure out how to make God proud!

Lacing Up My Boots

I just started to lace up my boots for this hike, Backpacking Through Joshua.  You need to lace them up tight to start this hike.  As I go on this journey, I have to remind myself not to run ahead and wear myself out.  I can do that sometimes.  I like to pour over maps before we camp and travel, so I know exactly where we are going.  No GPS for me.   I don't want to lose my navigational ability.  This trek through Joshua will help with my "navigation through life" skills.


As I read Joshua 1, I was immediately struck with the Army commercial on TV, "Be All You Can Be."  Couldn't they also easily put in "Be Strong and Courageous!"??  Reading the first few paragraphs makes me sit up a little straighter and want to study a little harder.  I want to follow the law better and be strong and courageous.  It also reminds me that God does keep His promises, but we do have to follow His rules.  It has a lot of similarities to being a parent.  It made me think that the Israelites were in "time out."  It is not that they were not going to get the land the Lord promised them, they just had to wait.  It reminds me of grounding my own kids.  It is not that they will never get their phones back or never go out with friends.  It is just that they have to follow my rules for those things to happen.  I try to scare my own kids a bit when I ground them.  I am sure Joshua was scared at that point, so I understand why the "Be Strong and Courageous" was in there.


Do you think as the Israelites got the news that they were going to finally cross the Jordan River that they felt like the guy who just won the Mega Millions lottery?  I imagine that is how they felt!  Like, Really?  Now?  Are you serious?!  The willingness to move on is like submitting the ticket - - - Let's go now and make sure this is all really happening. 


As I question God about what is keeping me from being able to do what He's calling me to do, I get an answer loud and clear - WORRY.  I know God is faithful and I want to follow His will, but I get anxious and worried.  It all comes down to timing.  I have to remind myself that my timing is not God's timing.  I have to go through the list of God's faithfulness in my head to remind myself that it all really does work out for the best, even if I don't realize it at first.  It is like I need a Faith Maker, you know like a Pace Maker.  I need it to zap me when I start to worry.  A little ZZZZZZ and it will remind me not to worry and that it is all in God's hands.


I really like the word Faithful.  I have a cousin named, Faith, so I perused the Bible verses with Faithful and I got a good feeling from them.  I decided to look Faithful up on dictionary.com and the definitions included:


1.  true to one's word, promises, vows, etc.
2.  reliable, trusted, or believed
3.  having faith, remaining true, constant, or loyal.


Just try putting some of those definitions in the verses and it works.  


When I think about what made me decide to go on this hike, it is because I saw this as a great way to connect with God in a way that fits with all I do, but to keep me connected to real people.  Plus, I have to admit that having Stacey put it out there was key for me.  I know that I would not have found it on my own, so God used Stacey to point the way for me.  I am praying that reading and studying Joshua will make me a better and more faithful follower.  I get doubtful at times.  I worry and get anxious. I get impatient, so hopefully this will be yet another example of God's faithfulness that I can add to my pool.  I tend to read the New Testament over and over, so I am hoping to get reacquainted with the Old Testament by reading Joshua again.


God has been faithful to me/us in many ways, but I will only share two of the more current ones.  The first is my husband's health. He was having some health problems that are genetic, but also made worse by stress.  God was good in that He helped us find a good doctor and moved him to a job that is less stressful.  His health has benefited tremendously.  God was also faithful in sending me to Kenya.  I was able to come up with the money [with a little help from my older sister].  Not only that, but God gave my Mom a last minute chance to go with me and she grabbed it.  It may not sound like a big deal, but my Dad has Huntington's Disease.  My Mom got her shots in a week and my younger sister agreed to have my Dad stay with her while we were gone for a life changing trip to the Mathare Valley.


As I go through Joshua in the next 6 weeks, I hope to grow in faith.  I may still need my zap occasionally, but I'll take the zap with a deep breath and then say a prayer.

Warehouse Workout

Yes, I got my monthly Warehouse Workout yesterday at Costco.  Costco, BJ's, Sam's Club, they are all the same.  I know because at one time or another I have shopped at all of them.  My calves are actually tight this morning from pushing a month's worth of food around in my cart.  Ok, with a family of 6 maybe not a month's worth, but it feels that way.  Even though I had to wait in line, I met the nicest people in line.  It is like we are all on the same team and everyone chats like old friends.  Why can't all shopping and driving be like that?  I am on this blog early because I just got the notice that the Backpacking Through Joshua Week One is posted.  Yeah!!!!  I am very excited and will try my best to pace myself.  I am actually hoping for a wait at the ENT's office today so I can get started.  Say a little prayer for my daughter, Kylae, my 2nd.  She has missed 8 days of school due to ear infections and is going back to the ENT today.  Can anyone say "6th set of tubes?"  Good day!!

Why/How does fuzz accrue on the bottom of my kitchen chairs?

Ok, so I am trying to regain a sense of order now that Christmas is over and I am doing my Spring cleaning now.  I know it is not Spring and I really do enjoy Winter.  I have time now so I am cleaning now.  It has taken me 2 days to do my downtstairs.  Is that unusual?  I have found a number of interesting things, like the front of the remote control, an Indigo Girls CD, and a pistachio in the family room.  My nails are shot, but I am wearing them like a badge of honor.  So, when you see my chipped red nails, you'll know I have had my hands in buckets of water for 2 days.  The cleaning must continue!!!!

How does Christmas fit on my dining room table?

I was all set to put Christmas away today.  Everyone else has returned to work and school and I don't go back until Jan. 19.  I suddenly got sad when I saw that Christmas pretty much fits on my dining room table.  It seems bigger than that, doesn't it?  I am putting everything in one place to pack it away until November.  It seems so big when we start decorating and planning for it.  I just need to make sure that I hold on to the spirit of Christmas and God's love for me!

Happy New Year!

As I head into 2011, I feel a good change coming.  I know God will be working in my life.  2010 was a year of huge ups and downs, but I know it was for a reason.  I am working hard at discerning at His will.  We start 2011 watching our favorite college football team, PSU, and enjoying each other's company.  Once we hit Monday, Jan. 3, we are back to our crazy hectic schedule with musical practices, dance competitions, and wrestling matches.  Oh... and work.  I know I am not alone in my craziness and I know others have lives crazier than mine.  I have to think how true the saying, "You have to be present to win!"really is in my life.  I am trying to be present.