No Pain, No Gain

Well, I neither gained nor lost weight.  To me that is like tying the game.  I didn't win and I didn't lose.  I would rather have something to show for the past week, but it came back to my same issues with time, my love of food, and my life being a to do list.  How does taking care of myself not make it to the top of the list?  I don't think I have ever been this disgusted with myself.  The week started off with a food and exercise journal, but you know what threw me off?  Sleep.  I sleep terribly and when I sleep terribly, I eat terribly and my exercise goes out the window.  When did insomnia become my norm?  I cannot get comfortable anywhere, yet I am exhausted most of the time.  Why can't I sleep?  Why can't I eat right?  Why can't I exercise more?  Are these familiar questions?  Are my struggles the same as every other woman over 40?  I am not looking to be a super model.  I want to feel better about myself and be healthier.  So, I'll keep trying and I'll keep putting all of my knowledge to work.  It is my hope that with the start of school and a routine, that I'll be able to put "health" back in the routine.

The dietitian needs to diet

Ok, I haven't blogged in while since we stopped backpacking through Joshua and it shows.  I have decided that maybe if I blog about my struggles with weight, you all will understand that you are not alone.  I have a master's degree in Nutrition and I am a Registered Dietitian.  I need to lose 8 - 10 pounds.  Yikes!  How did it creep on?  I don't have an answer.  Once I hit 40, it became harder and harder to lose / maintain my weight.  I am a relatively active mom with 4 active kids.  So, I got to thinking about my difficulties and I came up with a list. 

What do I have trouble with?
1.  I love food.  I love to cook and I love to eat and drink.  I love good food.  I love good drink.
2.  I am busy.  Who doesn't know that?  I work part-time, take care of the house, drive the kids all over, try to volunteer, and stay active with my church.  How do I eke out more time to exercise?
3.  It takes more effort to get more results.  That is frustrating and I know exactly what is happening to my body as it ages.  Sometimes, I just want to give up and not worry about fitting into my jeans.
4.  I feel guilty taking time for myself.  Holler if you know what I mean!!!  I live a "To Do" list lifestyle and even though taking care of myself is on the list, it is on the bottom on the list and doesn't always get done.

So, it really doesn't matter what I weigh now or what anyone weighs now.  What matters is that I address my troubled list and lose some weight and feel healthier and better about myself.  So, as my kids go back to school, I am going to try and make time for me to eat right, exercise, and feel better about myself.  If I feel better and happier about myself, I'll be a better me, wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend.  Here goes....

Vantage Point

I just realized that Vantage Point makes all the difference.  What do I mean?  My view of a situation is affected by my vantage point.   Sometimes I feel as though I have the best seats in the house and I am on top of the world.  At other times, I feel as though I have been ripped off and paid good money for the "partially obscured view."  Do you know what I mean?  When I am in the middle of something, it does not always look so good to me.  However, once I am through it, not so bad.  I have seen this in the lives of others too.  They may complain or brag about something, but often times from my vantage point, it looks completely different.  It has made me realize that I need to really assess where I am and where I am going, what I have and what I want, and what difference it will all really make.  Today may seem cloudy from my vantage point, but others may be seeing the sun where they are at.

Change for a Change - Cure Huntington's Disease

FirstGiving - Team Hope Walk for Huntington's Disease

Our family is walking for Huntington's Disease (HD) on May 15.  My dad has HD and my sister has tested positive for the gene.
The Huntington's Disease Society of American explains HD this way....

Huntington's Disease: a devastating, hereditary, degenerative brain disorder for which there is, at present, no cure and only one FDA-approved treatment (Xenazine) for a symptom of HD.  HD slowly diminishes the affected individual's ability to walk, talk and reason. Eventually, the person with HD becomes totally dependent upon others for his or her care. Huntington's Disease profoundly affects the lives of entire families -- emotionally, socially and economically.

Named for Dr. George Huntington, who first described this hereditary disorder in 1872, HD is now recognized as one of the more common genetic disorders. More than a quarter of a million Americans have HD or are "at risk" of inheriting the disease from an affected parent. HD affects as many people as Hemophilia, Cystic Fibrosis or muscular dystrophy.

Early symptoms of Huntington's Disease may affect cognitive ability or mobility and include depression, mood swings, forgetfulness, clumsiness, involuntary twitching and lack of coordination. As the disease progresses, concentration and short-term memory diminish and involuntary movements of the head, trunk and limbs increase. Walking, speaking and swallowing abilities deteriorate. Eventually the person is unable to care for him or herself. Death follows from complications such as choking, infection or heart failure.

Are you there God, its me Michelle!

Do you remember that Judy Blume book?  I remember the title more than I remember what the book was about.  I may have to take that out of the library again.  However, reading Joshua has made me think about that title for some reason.  Is God listening to me too?  Are my prayers nearly as important as say a person in Japan who has just survived an earthquake and a tsunami?  I don't think so.  Does God think so?  Do you wonder if Joshua was curious if God was listening?  I wonder if Joshua had a problem that I have all the time, I don't wait or listen for the answer that God gives me.  Hey, I may even not like the answer at times so I ignore it.  I am an impatient and imperfect person.  There I said it.  Hi, I'm Michelle and I am impatient and imperfect.  Do I wait for Godly counsel?  NO!  I sometimes get slapped upside the head with a message, but I rarely wait for an answer.  Did God counsel me to go to Kenya?  Yes and that was a physical message.

How about going back to school?  I thought I had the message, but I must have missed something because the answer is not right now.  Is it forever a no?  I don't know, but I have to pray some more and wait for His answer.  I have to be quiet and listen for it.  Not always easy for me to be quiet!
Now, I come from a sport oriented family and it is always easy to be a "Monday Morning Quarterback."  Can I look at situations in my life and now see where God spoke to me and I ignored Him?  Yes.  I do get a little cocky and I think I know what would be best for me and don't feel as though I need to listen to Him.  I then charge ahead and get burned.

Am I inside or outside the walls?

As I read through Joshua 6 and think about the walls falling, I worry about the people inside and have trouble getting past that.  Yes, it is an impossible thing that a wall could fall after a group of people have marched around for 7 days, but what was going on inside the walled city of Jericho?  Do we have an account of their fear and terror?  I have a hard time seeing this story as all good.  I am disturbed by the destruction that ensues after the walls fall.  It is hard for me to get past that.  I see God's nature here as that of a mean, punishing God.  I know that God is omniscient and I do forget that, but did He have to kill every living thing inside those walls, except for Rahab and her family?  This is the part of Joshua that starts to get hairy for me.

I don't know that I have ever done anything ridiculous for God's glory.  I know that I am staying on in this study because I know God wants me to.  This would be the part that if I had to decide, I would bail out and it is not because of the wonderful people here hiking with me.  It is because I think this part of the hike is difficult for me to navigate.  I am saddened and scared when I read about how everything - kids, puppies, moms, dads, men, women, cows, goats, etc. are massacred.  I am not sure where the glory of God is in that.  So, I am staying on and will try not to get too out of breath as I continue this journey.

Can You Tell I'm a Christian?

Well, this is a little late in being delivered, but better late than never.

Can people tell I am a Christian by looking at me?  Can they see it in my eyes?  Do my actions exemplify it?  I don't know.  As I read Joshua 5, I am struck by circumcision/pain and it points out 2 things to me.  1 - sometimes you have to do painful things for God.  2 - God will mark you, but not everyone sees it.  Circumcision is now a controversial thing, but I didn't think twice about getting my son circumcised.  I did it because I had read that it helps prevents infections, but I also did it because I read about it in the bible.  I was there when he was circumcised and then I was there again when we had to take him to the pediatric nephrologist because of issues due to his circumcision.  I did not regret my decision to have him circumcised.  I cannot imagine grown men being circumcised.  That is truly a sacrifice for God and it shows me that they knew that God was worth it.  God used circumcision as a covenant and promise to his People.

Have I ever been asked to do anything to sacrifice for God?  I don't know.  I went to Kenya and when I returned I felt compelled to apply to local Physician Assistant programs.  I really felt as though God was telling me to do this.  Lots of interesting signs....  Well, I have been rejected by 2 out of the 3 schools I have applied to.  Is it physically painful?  No.  However, it is painful to my psyche.  I never thought I would be rejected because I am too old for this type of program.   Apparently, my prerequisites are too old for some of these programs.  Do I want to go to school to go back to school, not really?  However, I think that is what God is asking me to do.  Not painful by Joshua's standards, but somewhat painful by my standards.  However, I know God is holy and will only ask me to do things that I am capable of doing.

I don't think that I can recognize Christians by sight or smell.  I don't know that I am recognizable as a Christian either.  My ideas of recognizable Christians are not usually favorable.  I have had people say to me that they cannot believe I am a Christian because I don't judge everything they do.  Believe me, I don't want to be judged either.  I don't know that Christianity is about "blending in" but it is about being part of the world we live in.  I want people to notice my actions and reactions and wonder what is different about me.  I don't like the negative connotation that being a Christian has lately.  I want to be like Jesus and have dinner with the tax collectors and sinners.  Bring on the party!